Your middle age marriage: 5 Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble:
Neither one of you will put down the phone when you’re together. When did that start? If you still have children at home, maybe it was checking on the babysitter, directions to your date night restaurant, the list goes on. Stop it. Put the phone down and give your spouse your complete attention on a date, at the dinner table, in the car. Be with the one you’re with. And no one’s fooled when you put your phone in your lap and check it. No one.
You sleep only in flannel pajamas, tatty boxes, and over sized t-shirts. This shouts I’ve given up on my marriage to the rooftops. Reading steamy hot romances is fun, but if you’ve given up on creating your marriage’s own steam, it’s a lonely place. Worse? Not bathing even though you no longer have toddlers or infants to worry about, and not changing your clothes when it’s time to go to bed. That goes for the guys too. Both have to make an effort and toss out the ratty night clothes. Sweatpants and sweatshirts are not an option unless you live alone or are sending a message.
You no longer hold hands. Ever. This is something I’ve had to relearn, and still surprises my husband. Most of our marriage he completely believed I was pissed off at him. We’re still working on this one, but I learned that holding hands or putting your arm around your spouse is a lost and wonderful act of affection. You have a lot of work to do if your spouse dodges the first time trying this yourself.
You’ve given up on date night, or if you go, it only ends up as another trip to Home Depot. Yeah, this one takes some work, and sometimes you have to be the one to make the plans. It may take several attempts to get both of you in the mood for some date time, but you’re cheating yourself if you don’t. And while you’re attempting to hold your spouse’s hand over the table and reacquaint yourself with them, don’t lapse into chatter about the kids. That’s not a date night, it’s a mini committee meeting. Don’t succumb to the “honey, we’re need a new flange for the toilet” trick either.
You can’t remember the last time you had sex. You’re both tired, the kids are rambling around the house late at night, you’re angry or annoyed, frustrated or ignored. Yeah, romance novels are not a substitute for sex, and can make things even more frustrating and unrealistic. Sometimes it’s bedtime routines that shout “leave me alone”, or neither one of you thought the other was remotely interested. I’m speaking to the women here when I say we don’t appreciate being ignored then suddenly pounced on either. That’s where the turning off cell phones, holding hands, date nights, getting rid of ratty pjs, and other things come in.
Sometimes we wake up after decades of marriage, parenting, working, making a life together and realize it’s going to take a lot of work and patience to get back to where romance blooms again. My epiphany came after closing a business and suddenly wondering who those three people were in my house, particularly my husband. Suddenly I had a new pair of eyes to appreciate what I have, and knew I’d forgotten how much I loved my spouse. Thank goodness we’re both patient people, and have the time to find our way back.