Remembering Today: Virginia Woolf

On this day in March 1941, Virginia Woolf filled her coat pockets with stones and walked into the River Ouse, drowning herself.  Many a writer has suffered from set backs, personal and professional loss, attacks from critics, but Virginia Woolf was one who couldn’t shrug it off anymore.

I would hope that were she our contemporary, she would be able to get the help she needed with her severe depression.  How can we as writers live with rejection and depression, and find the happiness and success we crave?  It seems almost fleeting when it does come, and then we must keep going, keep producing, wearing our hearts on our sleeves.  My friends, if you find yourself being worn down by life, please seek some help and unburden yourself.  Nothing is worth leaving our loved ones behind to deal with this kind of leaving.

Here’s part of the last note. she left her husband (from from
“Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that—everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been. V.”

Such a heartbreaking thing to leave behind.  Suicide is a selfish act, but she seemed to rationalize that her husband’s life would be better off with out her.  Such is the mind of a suicide.  Rest in peace, Virginia Woolf.

Finding the New Normal, A New Path

Those of you who know me personally are familiar with my store, Beabe’s Toys and Gifts, which has been around since 2004 online, then as a brick and mortar.  This was a perfect illustration of a Baby Boomer listening to “Do What You Love, And the Money Will Follow”, which is crap.  If you go into business, especially retail in this economy, be armed with all the research you can gather up, then do more.  After having an online business for years, I let myself get talked into a store by customers who wanted the in person retail experience.
Mistake number one.
Speed forward from 2009, the first year I was a “Brick and Mortar” to now.  I’m out a really nice 401K, but much more educated about my own personality, the economy, and retail in 2013.  Guess what?  I’m a Rock Star on Amazon, but suck at owning a Brick and Mortar.  Who’d have thought?
So here’s where the caterpillar becomes a butterfly.  Somewhere along the way, retail changed my personality for the better.  I’m better with stress, crazy people, have a better positive outlook, and a new clear perspective on Small Business.  What I’m looking forward to now is spending the last few years of my youngest son’s stay at home with him.  I’m looking forward to getting reacquainted with my dear, sweet husband.  Real date nights and holding hands!  I’ also looking forward to driving up to Austin just to annoy my eldest son, patronize food trucks, and generally get weird with Austin.
I’m still discovering what I want the New Normal to be, what my new path is, besides writing my fantasy best selling novel and buying a beach house on the Florida Panhandle.  Oh, and drinking lots of lovely wine, and cooking beautiful meals.  What finally dawned on me, while staring at a Champagne display at Spec’s, is that my former dream job was making me crazy and sick, and it was time to stop.  Kind of like an alcohol version of Paul’s conversion on the way to Damascus, but with out the blinding.  So wish me well, and I’ll see you next time.  Bye, y’all!

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